Which Comes First: Sex Or RelationshipDuring the dating phase there are two kinds of daters:  People that date to enjoy sex and people that date to get into a relationship.  When two people enter into a relationship, it’s very likely that sex happen.   But, dating for sex or dating for a relationship, which comes first: sex or the relationship?

Some people believe that sex before the relationship is a no, no.  While other people think the only way to gauge whether a relationship will work out is to have sex with that person.   Let’s explore some of the differences:

Sex Before The Relationship

Since relationships are not built on a cookie-cutter format, there is no one thing that makes a relationship work.  Sure, a healthy relationship is comprised of the same key ingredients: love, respect and acceptance.  However, when it comes to the unique things that make a relationship work, that is dependent on the individuals in the relationship. For instance, some people have a higher libido than others.  So, for them sex before the relationship is an absolute essential.  But, having sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with can be tricky both for the guy and the gal.

For instance, having sex while you’re still dating does not always lead to a committed relationship.  And, if both parties don’t talk about what sex means to them, feelings can get hurt.  This means if you’re a guy looking to have sex but you’re not really sure about a committed relationship, then be honest about your intention.

The same thing goes for women.  Don’t have sex with a guy you’re dating because you hope it will lead to a committed relationship.  Instead, be up front with him about your intentions.  If it’s just sex, then fine.  But, if it’s more than just sex, you owe it to him and yourself to let him know.

Relationship Before Sex

The likelihood of having a relationship before sex in this day and age is highly unlikely.   Not only do we live in a different time, technology has made it much easier to reach out and touch someone.  for individuals that want a relationship before sex, this might cause a lot of push back from the people they are dating and from society as a whole.  Wanting a relationship before sex in the 21st century is like asking for marriage before love.  It rarely, if ever, happens!

On the other hand, there are lots of things that can go wrong when you wait to have sex, such as not being sexually compatible.  But for people seeking a relationship over sex not being compatible in values and beliefs is far worse.  After all you may have two hours of mind blowing sex, but what will you do for the other twenty-two hours?

Getting to know the person you plan on being in a relationship with has a lot of pluses. For starters, when you genuinely like and enjoy the persons company you’re having sex with it’s a bonus.  Also, having sex with someone you’re in a relationship with means that you can enjoy sex without worry of STD’s.  However, if you’re relationship is not exclusive this might be something you still consider, as a relationship does not always equate to exclusivity.

Sex Does Not Equal A Relationship; A Relationship Doesn’t Equal Sex

The thing to keep in mind if you’re dating is that sex does not equal a relationship, and a relationship does not equal sex.  The only thing that can determine which comes first: sex or the relationship, are the two people dating.  I don’t think it really matters, particularly in this day and age, because sex, relationship does not make.  And, relationships don’t necessarily mean exclusivity or marriage.

While people like to believe that sex and relationships are synonymous.  Most people, particularly men, think of sex as an isolated incident.  Sex does not always come with love or marriage.  Maybe to keep things in perspective it’s best to figure out very early on who you are dating.  And, the best way to do that is through communication and transparency. The dating phase is a great way to get to know someone.  So, instead of complicating things too early on with sex, or rushing into a relationship for sex, be present to the dating journey.

Collette Gee is an International Dating Expert, Relationship Specialist and Author of “Finding Happily, No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending.” Collette works with men and women, helping them to create and sustain meaningful romantic relationships. Click Here to Learn More

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