Unless you’ve been living under a rock during the last few years, you’re well aware of the Fifty Shades of Grey saga in both books and theaters. While this is a totally captivating film, and series of books, Fifty Shades of Grey has probably done more damage to relationships, unassisted than anything else in existence.

Women see how Christian Grey treats Anastasia and they all want to find a man who will treat them the same way. What they fail to see is that, in real life, there are very little men that treat their women the way that Christian does.

Christian Grey is a fictional character created by a woman named Erika Mitchell. That should explain everything to those mooning females out there that dream of the day that their Night in Shining Grey will come. Now, please don’t misunderstand. Fifty Shades of Grey is easily one of the most entertaining book series to come along in a while. However, it is simply not fair to expect that all men should behave this way.

There are a few things wrong in the Fifty Shades of Grey books that need to be pointed out to the women that live in their daydreaming world. First of all, Anastasia Steele fell head over heels in love with Christian Grey before she really knew anything about him. Actually, she didn’t really find out a lot about him until they were well into their sexual relationship. Seriously ask yourself how you can fall in love with someone you don’t even know?

The main answer to that one would be that you’re not really in love with this person. Rather, you’re infatuated with him or the idea of him. He may be gorgeous to look at and you may feel an instant lust for him, but is it really true love? The fact that Anastasia’s infatuation continued to grow and become love is something that just rarely, if ever, happens in real life.

Women must stop trying to turn their men into fictional characters, and accept them for who they really are. That isn’t going to happen anymore than most women would turn into Anastasia. Sure, women love their men, but would any of them go to the extremes that Anastasia does in these books? Probably not, when you really think hard about it. Anastasia is not any more real than Christian Grey is. Real people, seeking real relationships need to start understanding that.

Couples have romantic and fulfilling relationships all the time, and while life and relationships are filled with ‘shades of grey,’ they just don’t usually go the route of the plots in Fifty Shades of Grey. If you’re in a relationship or you want to be in one, be realistic. Look for someone that you can get to know and someone that will want to know who you really are. There is so much more to a person than the way they look, and you cannot hope to know someone simply by looking at them. There must be talking and interacting. Communication is the only way to find out what you need to know about someone and tell if you want to be in a relationship with that person. It doesn’t happen any other way. In fact, if you do try to pin it all on how attracted you are physically to someone, you might find out just how disappointing a relationship can be in the end.

Collette Gee is a Certified Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner, a Violence Prevention Specialist and a Matchmaker, and Holistic Relationship Coach that helps men and women create and sustain healthy relationship patterns and behaviors. Learn more about Collette Gee