I was recently out dancing with my partner and we noticed a lot of singles trying to maneuver on the dance floor in order to dance with other single strangers. I asked her the question, “Can you find ‘real love’ on the dance floor?” I think many of us have negative mental connotations that arise from such a scene: Dark, “seedy” clubs filled with drunk people moving their bodies in overly sexualized dance moves, only hoping to get a one-night stand, or a “booty call” number.
Perhaps in some cases, that may be the accurate. But I have a more optimistic outlook. I believe that depending on the motives and attitudes of the people out dancing, it is possible to find real love on the dance floor. If an individual sincerely enjoys the particular style of music being played, and goes to a dance club primarily as an expression of who they are as a person, then it is no different than meeting like-minded people in any other setting; a softball team, a book club, or a church. The fact that our bodies are used when we are dancing is in some sense an advantage; it allows us to sense the other persons rhythm, smell the other person’s pheromones, and get a feel if you have a natural vibe with the other person. Though some may be offended at the idea of “overly sexualized” dance moves, sexuality is part of a healthy romantic relationship. So then, what would be wrong sensing another person’s body rhythm in response to yours?
Assuming the other single stranger is there at this same specific dance club you are because they genuinely enjoy the styles of music being played, that will give you at least some insight into their sense of culture. If you are at Reggae, Latin Music, or Ballroom Dancing type of venue, that gives you a clue as to what they also feel comfortable hearing and moving their bodies to. The atmosphere of the club may give you an idea as to what social circles they normally would hang out at; a guy dancing at a Sports Bar dance scene may frequent such places more often, than a “high-end” uptown dance club scene. If you are in the same the type of place shaking it out on the dance floor, then perhaps you are also comfortable in a similar social scene as them.
The other important element is that, unlike internet dating, all of your senses (including subconscious impressions) are engaged in learning what type of person you are out there dancing with. My personal believe is since at least 80% of our communication is body language, and our instincts tell us a lot about a person (at least our reaction to them), meeting people in a “3D” verses internet format is more accurate in representing who they really are.
My other observations are purely experiential. Between marriages when I was out on the dating scene, most of the women I ended up dating I initially met at music venues or dance clubs, because that is how I enjoy spending my limited free time. Though these dating experiences never developed into an all-out relationship, at least I met some good people and spent my time doing what I enjoy doing, and making new friends in the process.
One of the best and genuinely romantic long term marriages I know of is that of my best friend I have known since middle school. In his 20’s he went out with a friend to go dancing and saw an extremely beautiful young woman standing on the side of the dance floor. He asked her to dance. That was the start of it all. They talked through the night, went out again the following evening, and after four kids and nearly 30 content years of marriage, they are still in love. Could they have met at a party, in a classroom, at a church? Maybe. But they did not. Their spark of long term love ignited on a dance floor in a bar. Sometimes, we can find ‘real love’ on a dance floor.
Guest Author Frank Blaney has been working in the field of healthy relationships education and violence prevention among Los Angeles youth for 12 years. He is a martial artist, Qigong/Tai Chi Instructor and author, and a musician. He can be reached at his personal email: WudangWarriorHealer