The Importance Of Commonality In A Relationships

One of the most important ingredients for a successful relationship is having something in common with your partner. It may not seem important in the very beginning when you’re still in that afterglow of lust.  However, as things start to cool down you’ll begin to see the importance of commonality in a relationship.

Everything is beautiful and wonderful with your new love at that point. However, as things start to cool down just a bit, you’ll begin to see just how important having things in common with someone is.

Consider that you’re someone who loves mystery and scary movies. You love a great psychological suspense plot as well as supernatural ones. Your partner, on the other hand, prefers action movies where there are heists gone wrong. As long as something gets blown up and there is plenty of fighting and bloodshed, he doesn’t care WHAT the movie is actually ABOUT. Neither of you can stand the preference of the other one. You end going to see movies separately or watching them in different rooms of your home.   That is not really quality time, is it?

Suppose one of you loves to read and also loves to discuss the books that you’ve read. As you try to talk to your partner about the latest book you’ve just finished reading, he is nodding at what you’re saying but, at the same time, his eyes are glazing over. You know he is not really listening because he is actually bored to death.

Then, there is area of activities. He may love to go camping in the wild but your idea of camping is to stay at a rustic mountain cabin with all of the amenities. You may like to go hiking or biking but he loves an afternoon of skydiving. Clearly, there are some vast differences in this area of your relationship.

Now, while there have been rare occasions when a relationship has made it successfully even though the two people involved had absolutely nothing in common; that just doesn’t happen all that often. For the majority of couples, having at least a couple of big interests in common that they can enjoy together is pretty important.

While an initial physical attraction may have brought them together, what will they do when they find they have nothing of interest to talk about with each other?   That is why one of the first things you need to do when meeting someone new is to get into a conversation about what each of you enjoy doing. Therefore, if he is into mountain climbing and you’re terrified of heights, chances are that you should simply find a polite way of disengaging yourself from this person because you’re obviously wasting your time as well as his.

It is not rude to move as soon as you’ve found a polite way to do this because you’re actually doing both of you a huge favor. If you continue the conversation, the attraction may keep growing and you’ll find yourself involved in a relationship that has little to no chance of working out in the long run. Instead, keep looking around for someone with interests that match yours. You’ll be much happier in the end.

Got A Dating or Relationship Question? Ask Collette.
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