How To Win Your Ex Back

One of the most asked questions surrounding relationships on the web is, can you win an ex back after a relationship has ended?  And, the answer is yes!  Permitted your ex has not set any strict boundaries that requires you not contact them.  However, if your ex has asked that you not contact them, and made it clear that they no longer want to be with you, you won’t win your ex back.  Now, just to be clear, and for the sake of this post, you cannot win a person’s love, for a person is not a prize or an object to be won. However, you can regain a person’s favor, if in fact that is something they choose to give to you.  So, let’s get on with it!

How can you win an ex back after a breakup?  The answer is through language!  And, no, not language as in your ability to speak French or Spanish, but rather the language you speak when you’re not necessarily saying a word.  The language you speak is not solely based on what comes out of your mouth, but also includes what you do, how you listen and what you see.  Therefore, language is based on a series of conventional and non-conventional methods of communication.

In a romantic relationship you either selected your partner because of what you saw, felt or heard.  Therefore, in order to win your ex back, you must be able to convey the love language they saw in you when you first met.  In order to figure that out I recommend two tools that can help:  The Five Love Languages and True Colors Personality Test.  I will explain each of them below:

The Five Love Languages

If you’re reading this post, I am going to assume that you’ve at least heard of or read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages.  The Five Love Languages “outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages”: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch.”  Therefore if your partner prefers quality time over words of affirmation, then telling them how much you love them isn’t what they want, need or require from you.  You can learn more about getting your needs, wants and requirements met by  downloading my FREE dating and relationship action plan

True colors Personality Test

The true colors personality test is very similar to Myers Brigs Personality test.  Accept instead of using the personality test to place people in a profession, the true colors helps you to understand yourself and how you relate to others.  In this manner, the True Colors Test can be used in every area of your life, particularly your relationships.

Take for instance, you met your ex volunteering at an animal shelter.  And, while you both appreciate helping animals, you have a much more pragmatic reason for volunteering at the shelter than your ex does.  Perhaps you volunteered at the shelter to gain extra credit for a class you’re taking, while your ex was volunteering because he or she love animals.  You both met doing something good, however the intentions behind what you were doing differ.  Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t like animals or that your partner does not see the pragmatic reasons behind volunteering.  However, depending on the motives and intent behind why you each chose to volunteer, determines your true color.

How Can You Win An Ex Back With These Tools?

In the video below I go into details as to how these tools can help you win an ex back.  In short, if you understand your personal language and how your ex sees you, it’s easier for you to reestablish rapport with your ex.  You’re probably wondering whether you need to know your ex’s love language for this to work. Yes, and no!  Yes, it would be helpful to understand which love language your ex speaks.  However, you can figure this out simply by understanding your true color.  Why?  Because how you perceive yourself, projects who your partner sees that you are.  So, if you see yourself as an empathetic person, your ex might see you as a bleeding heart.  And, you will know this because of the language they used to describe your personality.

To Conclude:

Breakups are hard because a breakup is a loss and let’s face it, losses hurt.  It’s especially hard when you meet someone you really like and then for reasons either known or not, they break up with you.  The only way to know whether you can win your ex back or not is to first understand your personality.  Once you understand who you perceive that you are, you will be able to understand who your partner perceived that you are.  This does not mean that once you understand your personality that you should go out there and try to change who you are.  However, once you understand how others see you, you can learn to speak their language in order to establish a connection.

Got A Dating or Relationship Question? Ask Collette.
Join The Finding Happily Dating & Relationship Book Club
Click Here to Connect With 100’s Of Happy Members?
Facebook Comments