Happy Holidays! Hopefully, you are spending time with your family, friends or loved ones. However, many people are home alone and feeling lonely. During the pandemic a lot of people lost their family or loved ones due to illness, or have been unable to travel to see their loved ones. Others have fallen on other hardships, such as loss of work, breakups or divorce.
Every year, particularly around the holiday season, I would notice a spike in my business – and believe me I understand why. However, over the past two years (and since the COVID pandemic) my client load has doubled. A LOT of people are struggling with loneliness, now more than ever.
Although loneliness is described as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely feel empty, alone, unwanted, and may have a difficult time connecting with other people.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, being alone allows people the space and time they may need to reflect. However, loneliness can be emotionally painful, discouraging and at times even feel existentially terrifying. Therefore, it is critical for us to know how to deal with it.
Here are 3 simple (but profound) ways to cope with loneliness in a positive way.
How to Stay Positive When You Feel Lonely
- Be Good to Yourself. Often people try to stay busy, or distract themselves (too often with unhealthy coping mechanisms) in order to avoid dealing directly with their loneliness. However, the best thing you can do for yourself when you are feeling lonely treat yourself to something special. This demonstrates in a tangible way that you are loved and cared for — first and foremost by yourself. If you do not feel the need to demonstrate love to yourself, then why would others?
Do something you consider loving and indulgent for yourself. Take a bubble bath, get a massage, or curl up with a good book, take yourself out for a romantic dinner. The objective is to give your SELF some TLC (Tender Loving Care) to uplift your spirit. Genuine self-care is unique to each individual. So, choose to lavish upon yourself some beneficial treatment that kinetically reminds yourself that you are worthy of care and love.
- Examine Your Feelings. The worst thing you can do when you’re feeling lonely is ignore your feelings of loneliness. Instead, use this time to examine the reasons you feel lonely. Take a moment to question the internal dialogue you are saying in your own mind that are generating this feeling. For example, if you say to yourself, “My ex-lover left me because I was never good at . . .” Or, “I doubt anyone would want to be with me, because I have kids (or a disease, or economic challenges, or . . . fill in the blank). Ask yourself, “Why am I feeding my mind lies that do not truly serve me?”
Reflecting deeply on the root and source of these feelings can help you examine whether they are a sign of some unexpected changes in your life or something deeper, such as depression, anxiety, destructive internal dialogues, or an inability to connect. To help you through the process you should consider getting help from a life coach, or therapist if it is of a more serious nature.
- Cultivate Gratitude. A daily practice of gratitude will help you to focus on more things to be grateful for. This is not magic – it’s a concept that energy flows where attention goes. Therefore, by being appreciative for life and all the good in your life, you will attract more things to be grateful for.
Often when we are feeling lonely, it is simply a result of over-focusing on things we want to improve on in our lives — and under appreciating all of the wonderful things that make up our life. What we focus on is a choice. Cultivating a regular discipline of noticing things to be grateful for will help us to maintain proper mental and emotional balance. This in and of itself is a powerful tool to counteract the hollow feeling inside that loneliness can bring about.
Even with these 3 little reminders in place, you might not always be able to shift your focus from negative to positive. Prior to being happily married, I often used some of the tips I shared above. In times when the feeling of loneliness was too great, I would write down all the things I had to be grateful for. (I share more helpful information about the power of gratitude in “The Gratitude Process Workbook.”)
It was not easy to for me to maintain an attitude of gratitude, especially, when I was going through challenging times. However, using the tips I shared above (particularly numbers 1 and 2) helped ease my loneliness.
Feelings of loneliness does not always mean something is “wrong” with you. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, particularly if you’re dealing with stress, trauma or loss. However, prolonged feelings of loneliness could be something serious and need to be dealt with along with the assistance of a professional.
By ignoring your feelings of loneliness, or trying to stay distracted rather than dealing with your loneliness, may in fact, intensify feelings of restlessness, sadness or negative unwanted emotions. On the other hand, solitude is a positive feeling, which helps us to reflect and maintain a state of balance in our lives.
You can try to deal with your loneliness by using the tips I shared or on your own. But, if you want a targeted, in-depth strategy and action plan to help you implement the tips I shared (and more) sign up for a Discovery Session today. We can take the journey to your happiness together.
